They don’t call New Jersey the “garden state” for nothing (unless its because you can’t fit the state of oil and gas refineries on a license plate), but for a brief and shining moment, the meadowlands of Jersey were almost the epicenter of masked wrestling in the western hemisphere. After all, so much unused space, except for the occasional mob hit victim’s final resting place, shouldn’t go to waste, or so wannabe wrestling promoter Pee Wee Nugent thought.
Pee Wee came to wrestling honestly, his mother, the famed Philly ingenue Busty Galore, married Trenton “Lucha Libre” accountant Ted, and settled in Perth Amboy. Like every young man of his age with a dream, the hope of building a stadium to host wrestling’s greatest legends consumed him. So when his father was doing the books for Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa, he pitched his idea, to use pension funds to build a giant stadium which would serve as the wrestling capital of the world.
Hoffa, for his part, was in desperate need to find someplace to park the money beyond the reach of the feds, and readily agreed. Unfortunately for Pee Wee, certain other concerns with the feds took most of Hoffa’s time, during which New Jersey got wind of the brilliant idea and cut a deal with the New York Giants to build a stadium so New Jersey could pretend it had a professional sports team like real states. Pee Wee was crushed when he learned his dream was dead.
Pee Wee later went on to design and build the collapsible chairs used in wrestling matches to beat people over the head, whether in the ring or the audience. He attempted to corner the mask market as well, but his efforts at creating a polyurethane face covering that would overcome the basic need for oxygen proved too difficult to accomplish.
After bankruptcy and three failed marriages, all to one-time world champion Trish Status, Pee Wee died alone and the few body parts that remains after he was eaten by his starving cats were cremated and spread in his beloved meadowlands.
[Ed. Note: Chris Seaton was suddenly unavailable to do his Friday Funny following a vicious cat attack and was replaced at the last moment by Duffy McMahon, Connecticut’s foremost wrestling historian. Thanks again for filling in, Duff.]